Overcoming Fears: Lowering The Gradient In An Effort To Meet Up With Women And Relate To Women

Last week one of my buddies asked a question that i thought was worth discussing. He asked about how to overcome fears which pop up at times - even when things are going great.

The truth is it's not at all an easy question to answer because it differs for every person. There are literally entire books which have been written on that subject only. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.

What exactly are gradients? Gradients are just like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will not succeed. If you keep trying it over and over you might start building up a "complex" about failing, and soon not try anymore.

If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first try, it will also be scary - not really impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you will fail too.

The right approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most secure method to climb a ladder.

Here are a few examples of how I apply that to overcome fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:

As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is especially scary. So I am approaching a good looking woman in a social setting, rather than telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am attracted to her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will discover a means to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of other people.

If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just watch a movie at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and again to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.

These are a few examples. When you feel uncomfortable and fearful simply try to consider a lower gradient that isn't as scary and lets you make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and how to relate to them quickly.

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Overcoming Fears: Lowering The Gradient In An Effort To Meet Up With Women And Relate To Women

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